On a happier note...

I got an award! The lovely Dorothy gave me this:


RULES you must resend this to 5 bloggers and you must tell 5 things about your crafts you like the most...what inspires you to make home made gifts...

What inspires me?

1) I take great joy in finding gifts that are well-matched to a person. Making gifts for people gives me so many more ways to accomplish that. I have been known to see something that is *perfect* for someone in March and pick it up for them for Christmas because I know that they'll love it.

2) Knitting is soothing. If I'm too jittery to sit still or have too many things going on in my head, a little bit of knitting goes a long way to making me feel better.

3) Making beautiful things makes me feel proud of myself. Sadly med school is generally not conducive to pride/confidence...it's just the nature of the beast.

4) Knitting is productive. I start with a pile of string and I end up with something that will keep someone warm...pretty awesome if you ask me.

5) Knitters are awesome. The people I have met through knitting are some of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met.

I nominate:
1) Alicia
2) Bea
3) Cosmicpluto
4) Anne
5) Wendy

PS: I'm feeling much better now that I got all that off my chest earlier.

Stress and Frustration

There are quite a few things that are either stressing me out or frustrating me right now. Let's go down the list shall we?

1) My grandfather is dying. He has been in some form or other for years now...but he's now in hospice, unable to swallow and therefore unable to eat, and he has a DNR order that includes no tube feeds and no IV nutrition. My Dad called me earlier today and told me that there was an estimate that he had 12 hours to live (who said this or when it was said I don't know) and that I should stay in Springfield and study etc. and wait to come home until the funeral. I know I need to study, and I know that my grandfather was incredibly proud of my going to medical school and would want me to focus on that...but it doesn't make it any easier.

2) I had my mid-rotation evaluation Friday. I'm doing well for the most part with a current grade of High-Pass. But apparently someone made a comment about my needing to cover up my chest more. I'm bothered by this on a few levels. The way I was given this feedback was rather hurtful, basically implying that I am a faithless, godless hussy who walks around all but topless. I am very self-conscious about my weight and my figure and generally don't show that much in the line of skin because I don't feel very confident about myself and generally have the feeling that no one wants to see that nastiness...so being told that I'm not covering up enough is frustrating. And then there's the part where I have a hard enough time finding clothes that fit, finding out that I am failing to look professional really bothers me. So this feedback has basically left me in the place where I just want to crawl into a hole and cry for a few hours. The ironic part here is that just about all of my friends when I had gotten similar feedback before (from a woman who felt that mini-skirts with fish-nets and 5-inch stilettos were work appropriate) were very emphatic that I dress very professionally and that they couldn't believe I had gotten than feedback.

3) My weight. I started on an OCP (the pill) in January or so...one of the ones where you don't get your period for 3 months. This seemed like a great idea since I tend to get pretty anemic and tired with my period and getting it less frequently would therefore be inherently awesome. Now we all know (well maybe not all of us but it's a well known side-effect) that the pill can cause weight-gain. I've been fighting my weight for years, admittedly unsuccessfully, so it really shouldn't have surprised me that I've gained 15 lbs over the last 5 months...but it's upsetting me nonetheless. This also ties into #2 since my boobs would be smaller if I lost the weight and therefore would not be the issue that they are turning out to be. So I've taken a page out of Alicia's book and joined SparkPeople. I'm hoping the combination of food journalling and quick daily work-out videos will help me have some more success. And then there's the part where I'm gonna come off the pill...because I'd rather get my period than keep getting fatter...and I don't think that's unreasonable.

4) My sock. I started my Show-off socks according to the pattern by CO 65 stitches and just knit happily along...I was just about to the end of the arch-shaping and decided to try them on...I can barely get them on. So they made a visit to the frog pond and I'm going to try again CO 75 stitches and see where that takes me. In the meantime I think I'm going to make a cowl with some nice thick worsted weight yarn...because that's a lot of stitches to rip out.

So yeah...I'm beyond stressed right now...kinda tearful...and struggling to concentrate on studying. I really just need this week/month to be over. Hope you're all doing better that I am! Happy knitting!

Labor and Delivery

So the two weeks of vacation are over...one week of OB/Gyn clinic done and now I'm starting my week of Labor and Delivery. Saw my first delivery today...simultaneously the coolest and most disgusting thing I have every seen. The baby's face as the rest of her body was coming out was about to crack me up. As for the rest of the day...kinda boring...but that had more to do with the fact that there was an ER resident there today to make up his deficit in deliveries so he got all five deliveries on the low-risk service for the day.

As for knitting...there's been some!! Shocking I know. Mind you what I've been doing has been mostly in the realm of simple stockinette...but still. I finished my mom's mitts...which is good because it means she'll have them for when it gets cold again in like November. I also started on a new sock...I'm calling them Show-off socks because I basically picked the pattern to show off the yarn. Yes I am aware that I haven't finished the last pair of socks yet...but I needed something that was simple so that I could knit and read at the same time in the library and the Dorky socks were just way too fiddly for me.

Five weeks left of being a third year...kinda scary...then two weeks off before beginning a string of sub-internships and audition rotations...w00t. On the plus side I don't have to wear anything but scrubs for like the next three weeks! Alright...off to read about fetal heart monitoring so I don't feel like a total idiot tomorrow. Happy knitting folks!

Spring Cleaning

Today I took out my stash. Quite an undertaking. I used my trusty ball winder to compact things a bit so that my yarn and notions all fit inside my two plastic bins and baskets. I donated some stuff that I will never use to the local trash can...mostly because I've never heard of any yarn-donation-type programs around here. In other news: I may actually have a sweater's worth of yarn in Cascade 220! I doubt I have it all in one color...but I might be able to do some yoke detail or something to make it all work.

Innywho...been doing some knitting too. My mom wanted some flip-top mittens after seeing the ones I made for my aunt (her sister).My mom has taken some pity on me as you can see...no fingers. The yarn is very very soft...I'll have to root around for the ball band but I'm pretty sure it's Patons Decor. I've started the second mitt, finished the cuff while watching Prisoner of Azkaban on TV last night. Once I'm done with that I'll take care of the tops...good stuff.Tomorrow afternoon I have two meetings...both of which make me slightly nervous. The first is with the Dean of Students to talk about how realistic my goals are and see if she has any advice for me as I get ready for next year. The second is with the Chairman of the Department of Surgery at Tufts...he's the man who'll write my "Chairman's Letter" for my application next year so I kinda need to get to know him a little bit. There is a small part of me that is terrified that I'm going to be told that I have no chance of getting into a General Surgery residency...I'm trying very hard to ignore that part. Alright...time to go to sleep...untangling hanks of yarn is hard work!! Happy knitting all!!!